Family and Friends

As Christmas is now merely hours away, I can’t help but think what this time of year is supposed to be all about. Yeah, I know. Christmas is supposed to be about the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, but I’m talking about the other meaning of Christmas. It’s about spending time with and cherishing your friends and the ones you love. It’s about letting those people know just how much of a difference they have made by just being in your life. It’s a time to be absolutely happy and cheerful despite the rest of the year being total crap. People do this by giving that special gift, sharing Christmas dinner, throw Christmas parties, go caroling on Christmas Eve (I know, that’s a little old fashioned), drive around together to see the Christmas lights, join people at Christmas parades, and all kinds of other social events. I’m reminded of this every day as I watch families and friends Christmas shop together, and I overhear people plan to spend time with each other over the holidays and enjoy a turkey or ham dinner.

Then, I think about the people that don’t get to really enjoy the holiday season. The holidays for these people are a depressing reminder of how miserable their lives are. To avoid what they feel, people bury themselves in work, get drunk or high, isolate themselves from people around them, and even commit suicide. This just isn’t right. I feel everyone should have the right to feel happy around Christmas, but I realize as I get older that just isn’t the case. More and more people each year become increasingly depressed this time of the year. For a matter of fact, this is the number one time of the year for suicides. I feel sorry for these people. Everyone deserves to be happy, even if it’s just for one day of the year.

I know about this feeling all too well because I am one of these people that hates when the holidays come. Every Christmas since I was a teenager (which was many moons ago), I just wanted to skip Christmas and forget it ever existed. I buried myself in my writing, hiked, and even contemplated suicide. I hit my all time lows in depression around Christmas. Only in the last five years did I realize that I had to change that about myself. I tried to enjoy the holidays again like when I was a kid. I haven’t been too successful so far, though, because of losing my dad, my financial situation, and the huge blow up of my family. I still want happy Christmases again, though, and I still work to make that happen.

I think that the biggest reason that Christmas is my worst time of the year is because I start realizing how truly alone that I am. Where’s the family, friends, and loved ones to spend Christmas with? It’s around this time of the year that I really feel like I have no one in my life. It reminds me of something I felt would happen when I was younger. I always had the feeling that when I got older, I would never have anyone in my life, and I would die alone. Depressing isn’t it, but it’s how I felt back then and sometimes feel like now. And as the years pass, I begin to think it will come true. So, where are all my family, friends, and loved ones?

That’s probably the question you’re asking yourselves right now. Well, part of the blame has to go on me. I went through some dark times in my life that made me distance myself from a lot of people. I’ve also lost a lot of trust in people in general. I’ve become what I thought I would and tried so hard to avoid becoming, a loner. That’s why Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” strikes such a chord in me. It’s about going through things on your own with no one to rely on but yourself. I’ve learned through experience that sometimes the only person that won’t let you down is yourself. You and your own happiness has to be your motivation to go on in life.

Now, some of these feelings I have are well justified by what has happened in my life. I’ve dealt with countless betrayals, backstabbing, lies, and heartbreaks in my short period on this planet. Now, before you say anything, I know that countless other people have dealt with the same thing, but everyone deals with it differently, and some people have a hard time doing that. For those who have dealt with things that happened in their past and moved on, I applaud you. You are obviously stronger than I am, and I congratulate you. Sadly, there are people who scar easier and don’t bounce back so easily. I’m one of them. For people like this, their emotional scars run deeper.

A lot of these scars come from where most people’s scars come from, family. While growing up, I didn’t have the greatest family. I didn’t get to really bond with most of my siblings when I was younger because they had already left the house. The only brother that was still living at home when I was growing up I felt acted like a jerk to me. Now, I think that maybe that was how all older brothers are supposed to be like.

When I finally got to know the rest of my siblings, we didn’t really get too close. I was just a kid, and they were grownups. They didn’t even really try to bond with me either except to try to act more like a parent than a brother or sister. As a result, I’ve always felt distant from them almost like I didn’t have brothers or a sister. The only brother I got close to when I was growing up was my brother Chris, but he was taken from this earth before it was his time when he was murdered. That is a scar that I think will never fully heal.

My dad always worked, so I never got to see much of him. When I did see him, he always felt so distant from me never doing those things fathers and sons do together. Don’t get me wrong. He wasn’t a bad father. He got me whatever I needed or wanted to the point of spoiling, but he could never could connect with me on an emotional level. Some would say he could never express himself emotionally, but I sometimes wonder if it was because of something that had happened which I will explain in a little bit. All I know is that at the time I felt like he didn’t love me despite everything he got me. The gifts felt like buy offs or a way of telling me to take the toys and leave him alone.

My mother was just a psychological mess. Between what happened between her and her father when she was growing up and the constant bickering with my dad, she was a very angry person. At a moment’s notice, she would turn from a sweet woman who would do anything for you to a violent knife-throwing psychopath. I lost count of how many knives and coffee cups (among other things) that she threw at my dad or my siblings out of rage. She even took it out on our dogs by hanging them by their leash or kicking the crap out of them. When I was a kid, I felt sorry for her blaming my dad for the way she was especially when he tried to divorce her which totally destroyed her emotionally. As a result, I felt like I had to protect her from the dangers of the world. Thinking back, I think that was a mistake as I have realized what kind of person she really was.

As for the rest of my family, I never really got close to them after some huge dispute in the family caused everyone to break up. Before that, we had family get-togethers and pig pickings. Then, without warning, it all stopped. I don’t think the family ever really truly recovered from that. As a result, I never really got to know my cousins, uncles, aunts, and my grandmother. This depresses me when I see other people who are close to their families. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever experience.

When I was a little kid, I thought my family was normal. That all changed when my brother was killed. That’s when I saw how truly messed up my family was. Our family broke down from that day on and never truly recovered. I saw the hatred that could exist between a father and a daughter, how infidelity could drive a wedge between a husband and wife, how a brother could turn to alcohol and drugs to escape the pain, how a brother could become so arrogant thinking he could do no wrong because of his time in the military and making it in life, and how I was caught in the middle of all of this just trying to cope with loss and his own problems of depression.

It almost seemed like after that moment, everyone went off in their own direction forgetting everyone else existed. This went on for quite a while. Then, shortly after I moved out of my parents’ home in 2005, things started turning around. Families started talking again. My mother and father were getting along some what better. I was connecting with my brother, Tom. I even spent time with my uncles, cousins, and nephews. It felt like we were really becoming a family again. Sadly, that was short-lived.

Once again, a death in the family revealed what my family were really like. This time, it was my dad. The really sad part about this was for the first time in my life, I felt like I was really bonding with him. We were doing things together, talking about problems, and sharing those little father-son moments. I would have thought this would have finally brought the family fully back together, but that was not the case. Instead, it was the final straw that broke the camel’s back. I found out how truly bad my sister’s mental state was fading. I found out how family really felt about us. I found out my mother was slipping away mentally. I found out how much a brother hated another over something that happened in the past with no chance for forgiveness. I found out how quickly family members could turn against you because of what someone else said about you. I found out just what my dad dealt with trying to take care of both my mother and my sister. I also found out how one brother’s motivations, whether they be greed, arrogance, or whatever, could completely decimate what was left of this family.

It all started when Tom took over the funeral arrangements. At first, it felt like we were a family setting up the funeral, but that didn’t last long. It started with Dad’s wishes for who should get what. He did follow to the letter of what my dad said everyone would get according to his will, but when it came to what was not mentioned in the will, no one else got any say of where it went. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care about possessions. I would gladly trade it all back to get my dad back, but it felt like Tom was on some kind of power trip.

He didn’t even attempt to contact my brother, Steve. I wanted to contact him. After all, he had the right to know his dad had passed. I had the decency to call Tom when it happened, despite what I felt about him at the time. Didn’t Steve deserve that same right? Despite everything that he had done in the past, he had the right to know. It makes me wonder if I never found my sister to tell her what happened, would he have even attempted to find her and let her know. He just casted everyone else aside like they didn’t matter. He didn’t give a damn about what anyone else thought. All that he seemed to care about was that he was in charge, and he made sure to make that clear to everyone.

He didn’t stop there. He thought that everyone, including me, would try to take advantage of Mom and take her money away, so he made the choice without discussing it with anyone and had her sign a power of attorney over to him. This made it legal for him to make all financial and medical decisions for her regardless of what she or anyone else thought. He treated her like a child from that point on.

Despite all of that, I still progressed with Dad’s wishes for me to take care of both my mother and my sister. Unfortunately, he didn’t think I was capable of such an adult decision. He thought he could do better. He had no faith in me to let me do what I had to do. Instead, he kept undermining everything I attempted to accomplish for her well-being. Through lies and behind-the-back politics, he turned her against me. He had her believing that I was only using her and my sister for their money. He spread the same lies to my sister. After that, I realized I was fighting a losing battle. All I was in everyone’s eyes was a thief and a user. I couldn’t believe I would stoop so low as to use my mother or steal from her. It’s made me wonder if it was all about the money. I just wanted to take care of her and never once tried shutting him out of her life. I guess in his eyes I wasn’t good enough to take care of her.

Now, I have realized how Steve felt for over a decade, like a black sheep. Thanks to Tom, I was an outcast from the whole family, and I didn’t feel like I did anything wrong. I just tried to take care of things. I wonder sometimes if the way he treated me was because of a revelation I learned after my dad passed. I was informed that I was not the biological son of my dad. I wonder if he believed that too especially after he confirmed that it was a possibility before he took my mother to Florida. I admit that at one point I questioned that. Now, I know who my biological dad is, and he’s the man I always knew was. The question is does Tom believe that he isn’t? How many in the family knew this? This could explain why I felt so distant from everyone growing up. Maybe everyone looked at me as a reminder of my mother’s infidelity. It would explain so much.

I know, though, that my dad has to be turning in his grave right now because of how the family has turned out. We’re supposed to be sticking together and caring about one another. That’s what family is all about. Instead, we have put our own self-righteous needs in front of the needs of the family. It hasn’t even been a family in years. This is not the example my dad had left with us. I thought at one point that Chris’s death was what lead to the breaking of this family, but now I realize that my family had been broken a long time ago. It may never be repaired.

What about friends? Well, growing up, I had very few friends, and these days I question just how many of those were actually friends. Once again, you could put part of the blame on me. I was never a very outgoing person growing up. I was shy and introverted. Sometimes, it was like I was in my own little world. Despite being like this, I did make some friends along the way, but I learned quickly to be careful who I trusted. Many people pretended to be my friend as a joke just so they could make fun of me. A lot were also two-faced and were my friend as long as certain people weren’t around.

One of my worst memories of betrayal was with a guy named Joey. I had been friends with his brothers before him, but we slowly faded apart as they wanted to start hanging with the cool kids,  and I guess I just wasn’t cool. Joey was different, though. He was almost like the younger brother I never had. He seemed to enjoy hiking, the creative projects I took on, and other things I was interested in while growing up. With Greg, we became the three musketeers. That went good until near the end of high school. He became increasingly more interested in things the “cool” kids did which I had no problem with. I just had no interest in those things (like partying and dating). He still hung out with me, though. He wanted me to be interested in those things too, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea so to speak. It wasn’t long until every time we hung out, it seemed like he didn’t want to be there. My question was why did he even come around in the first place if he didn’t want to be there. He also stopped suggesting ideas of what we could do always leaving that decision up to me, and then, he told me my ideas were boring, childish, and he didn’t want to do them. I tried to get him to make suggestions, but he never had any. As a result, we started arguing every time we hung out. It made it more and more pointless to even spend time together. Then, I finally found out how he felt about me.

Every year during that time, I did a huge Halloween display. It almost became like a outdoor haunted house full of thrills and chills. Up to that point, Joey and Greg had helped me with that display and participated in the scares on Halloween night. I thought we were having a blast, but I found out Joey didn’t really want to do it. This was fine, even though it did hurt a little, but I decided to do the display on my own. He thought I couldn’t accept the fact that he didn’t want to participate. Then, he started blaming me for every argument we ever had which led to yet another argument. He said that all I wanted to do when we hung out was what I wanted to do. I never wanted to do what anyone else wanted to do which was crazy to me because no one else never really suggested anything else to do. It was always left up to me. Then, he accused me of being gay. Really? After all that we had been through, he thought that whole time I was gay. This cut me really deep. I knew from there our friendship was over. I didn’t want it to be, but it was a losing battle.

As a result, I became very cautious about who I called friend. I tested everyone who became a candidate to see if they were trustworthy and worth the time and effort. For a while, I thought I had a pretty good system for figuring out who was worthy to be called friend, but then, I found out how truly flawed my system was. I thought I had a good friendship in a guy named TJ. We shared a lot of interests and both enjoyed creative projects. For a while, things were going great. Even after he got a girlfriend, we still hung out. This changed when he moved to Raleigh. In the beginning, it was okay. I went up there to hang out with him, but I should have known something was wrong when he never came back here to hang out except on rare occasions. As time progressed, he started contacting me less and less. Then, it stopped all together. I tried contacting him, but I never got any kind of response. It’s like he forgot I ever existed. I found out from his brother that he converted religions because of his girlfriend who was now his wife. He was now a Jehovah’s witness. His brother thought that was the reason behind his change because he also stopped seeing his family as often. I don’t know. I just know it hurt because I was even careful about who I chose as a friend.

That made me a loner for quite a while. Then, I met the latest disaster at work. His name was John. Once again, we shared a lot of the same interests like Transformers, wrestling, and video games. We also shared a desire to do creative things. Mine was writing while his was creating custom twelve inch figures and painting. You would think this would have been a perfect friendship. Once again, my choice was flawed. First off, he started becoming too needy, always wanting to hang out even when I was in the mood to be by myself. He acted more like a girl clinging on to a boy. It became too much for me to handle, so I had to put some distance between me and him. He was also naïve about a lot of things in life, so it felt like I had to teach him about everything from cooking to how to deal with bills to even budgeting. Then, I made the biggest mistake. I let him move in with me, my mother, and my sister while I was taking care of them.

That’s when I found out what kind of person he really was. He had gotten kicked out of his apartment because he made some huge mistakes with his finances. I should have just told him to move in with his parents, but because of the kind of person I am, I took it upon myself to help him. First off, he said he could only help so much with the bills when in reality, he was still blowing money on his customs and video games instead of worrying about things like food and rent (or for that matter, not even the bill collectors that were after him). This put me into a deeper financial hole than I already was in especially when my sister abandoned the household and Tom took my mother to Florida. He was also still very clingy. I tried doing things with him from playing video games to playing Dungeons & Dragons, but he was a very poor sport. He wanted to quit and never play again just because he wasn’t winning. I didn’t want to watch wrestling with him either because I was losing interest in it. A lot of that was because I saw how serious he took it (especially when it came to arguments about the Undertaker). It made me lose interest in the show (as well as the horrible writing on the show). It got to the point that I couldn’t stand hanging with him, so I tried to spend more and more of my time by myself.

Then, when the house we were staying in became too much to afford, we moved into the apartment I’m living in now. He barely helped with the move. For the most part, I was on my own. He was more worried about going on vacation and seeing his parents instead of taking care of business. As a result, the place never got one hundred percent organized (which I’m trying to correct now, watch updates on that on my vlog, Krimson's Korner). He knew that if we didn’t get things set then, I wouldn’t have a chance because I worked two jobs which took up a good majority of my life. He then blamed me for the place being in such a mess (which I do take my fair share of the blame).

Then, more arguments proceeded because of him having to contribute more which only meant he would be paying his fair share which he could easily afford. He always said he couldn’t afford it, but all he wanted to do was blow his money on other things. It’s not like I had a lot of money to blow on fun. I had to put a huge majority of my money into bills too. That’s just part of life. He started accusing me of not using his share of the money on stuff that didn’t involve bills, but I tried explaining time and time again where his money was going. He never seemed to get it, but he never was very bright when it came to money.

The arguments about money and stupid things like whether or not I liked a movie and Superman (don’t even ask) became too much that I didn’t even want to hang out with him at all. I wanted out. I was ready to leave the apartment and move in with my brother, Steve, in Tennessee. Unfortunately, I fell on really hard times with losing jobs and losing hours at the jobs I currently work. I couldn’t afford to move out on my own, and it became increasingly hard to maintain even basic bills. Before long, I couldn’t afford things like my car, food, cell phone, and other conveniences. I didn’t want to ask because I hate asking people for help because what has happened in the past, but I asked John for his help financially by buying more food and getting the occasional ride here and there. The problem is at a later point he would always throw it back in your face that he did this or that for you. I’ve had experience with people like that which is one of the reasons I try not to ask people for help. It caused more friction in the household especially between him and Greg (who needed help again). I had to find a way out.

Unfortunately, they say “When it rains, it pours”. They could have never been more right. John lost his job because of his stupid actions of posting threats to his boss among others on his Facebook page. Now, he had no money to contribute period, and I was stuck with all of the bills which I knew I couldn’t afford. He could have took this opportunity to find a better job and do better for himself, but apparently, he already had it in his mind that he was going to give up. He stopped looking for jobs here, and he blew some of the remaining money he got from his last check on a video game instead of worrying about what needed to be taken care of. The last straw was when he said he was just going down to his parents to take some time to think about things and relax. He made it clear to both Greg and I that he had no intentions of ditching us and leave us hanging with all of the bills. He said he would be back. I’m not stupid, though. He already had sent most of his stuff to his parents saying he was afraid of losing that stuff if we lost our place to live. I also knew he didn’t put a lot of effort into searching for a job here. He spent most of his job hunting where his parents lived. I also overheard him talking to his parents about not coming back, so when he finally made it clear that he was staying with them, it didn’t surprise me at all. He didn’t even have the guts to call us and tell us his intentions. He posted it on Facebook as an announcement to everyone.

It was the final blow. I had been through too much crap in my life to be forgiving anymore. I wanted nothing to do with him from that point on. I didn’t even talk to him when he came to get the rest of his stuff. It left everything on my shoulders, and it made me question the real worth of friendship. That leaves me back at square one again at reevaluating how I choose my friends. I don’t even know if I can trust anyone any more.

Now, some of you know that I have a girlfriend, and you’re probably saying how could I be alone during the holidays with her around. Well, to a certain extent, you’re right. She has helped me through some really lonely times. There are some big problems, though. First off, she lives in Ohio, and I live in North Carolina. We have been trying for ten years to move in together, but every plan we have come up with has fallen through. To make matters worse, in recent years, Gail became sick. She has Stage IV colon cancer. She has been fighting hard to stay alive, but as each day passes, I know that she will one day lose that battle and leave this world. It’s definitely made things harder for us to be together. It will be up to me to take care of her, and as you know, I don’t have the finances to do that. I want so bad to be with her, but it seems like sometimes everything is against that happening. I’ve never been so uncertain about whether or not we’ll ever be together. I know, though, that when she dies, it will send me over the edge. She’s the one that has kept me going for the past ten years. I would have gone off the deep end if it wasn’t for her. As much as I want to have faith in that we will be together, I’m realistic. By the time I’m able to financially afford to take care of her, she will most likely no longer be with us.

This is the reason that I believe that the prediction I made when I was a teenager about dying alone will still come true. I don’t feel like I have much of a family anymore. Friends are almost non-existent right now. The chances of being with the one woman I truly love are getting slimmer and slimmer each day. And, I’ve lost trust in people in general making it harder to find friends. I feel more alone each day, and it gets really depressing. I’m starting to feel like I did shortly after high school when I was alone then.

This is what makes Christmas so hard for me. I want to enjoy this time of year like everyone else, but it’s a holiday that requires special people to enjoy it with you. It’s around this time that I feel totally alone. There was a point in my life when I was mad with the world that I wouldn’t mind being all alone, but I’m a different person now. I’ve grown up, and I want a family to care for, friends to have good times with, and a woman that I can love with all of my heart. I’ve been alone, and even though it can be great some days, most days it sucks.

So, where are those family members who support you no matter how you are? Where are the friends that you consider best friends that you can always go to no matter what has happened? I want to know where the true family and friends exist. I know they’re out there because I see other people spending time with their family and friends. Am I just destined to be alone? If I am, why? What have I done so wrong to deserve to be alone? Will I ever enjoy Christmas again?

I’ve got to be fair. There are still a few people out there that have been there for me. Out of my family, I stay in contact with two. My brother, Steve, got back in touch with me shortly after our dad passed. We’ve been keeping in contact ever since (even though I have to apologize to him for not keeping in contact with him as much as he does with me). I’ve also got in contact back with my nephew, Michael. We used to be very close around when I knew TJ until disputes caused us to split. Now, though, I talk to him every once in a while, and he seems to be doing alright which I am glad. Out of my friends, I have only one left. Greg and I have known each other since early middle school days, and despite the fact that sometimes we can be two totally different people, we have still maintained some kind of friendship. I don’t know how considering how we have went at it in the past. We definitely have a huge difference of opinion when it comes to certain things, but some how, we are still friends. I also still have Gail despite what is going on with her health. She has put up with a lot of my crap and has still stayed with me for which I will be forever grateful for.

I worry, though, about how much longer these relationships will last. I think about the past a lot and wonder if it is just a matter of time before they leave out of my life. I don’t want to be alone. I know that these days I don’t have the strength to meet anyone else or the trust to give them. One day, I may have to face that fact, but until then, I would like to thank Gail, Steve, Greg, and Michael for always being there and for putting up with me when I can be an asshole. I do cherish those people in my life. I just wish I could be a better person for them. I’m working on it, though, as I continue down my journey on Krimson’s Korner to be a better, more positive person. I just hope they can stay patient with me.

Anyways, I’m sorry if I talked your ear off (more like eyes). I know I can go on for a very long time, especially in my writing. Gail always said I wrote a book when I write anything. She’s absolutely right. I want to thank you for taking the time to read this overly long blog over the holidays. I really needed to get this off my chest, and I have to admit that I feel a little better. Thanks for reading my blogs, and for those who have supported me by subscribing to my channel on YouTube. You, as well as the above four people, are the ones that make this journey I am taking in life worth it. I hope you will keep reading my posts, subscribing to my channel, liking and commenting on my videos, and continue taking this journey with me. Merry Christmas, everyone, and I really hope you have a Happy New Year! This is Krimson signing out. Peace!

Trials and Tribulations

Hey, my Krimsonites. Some of you may have wondered what had happened to me for the past four months. I was going pretty strong with posting videos on my channel (Krimson Kreations), and I was writing regular blogs here. Then, without warning, I just disappeared. It’s like I had disappeared off the face of the planet. Some of you might have even thought something like this happened:

A meeting with the NSA.

Well, for those who actually wondered, I wasn’t kidnapped by the NSA. I am alive and well. Unfortunately, with everything that was going on at the time, I had to take a step back from things to get my head back on straight. I took blow after blow, and it became overwhelming. It was too much for me to handle all at once.

It all started when my then roommate, Autobotjohn, lost his job. His stupidity on Facebook (making threatening comments towards his boss and his job) cost him his management position at a local pizza delco. This dealt a heavy blow to an already bad situation financially. It caused me to get even further behind in bills than I already was because I had to cover his share of the bills.

This was further complicated by the credit card companies that have been constantly hounding me for money that I couldn’t pay. This finally culminated into two of the credit card companies filing a civil suit on me to collect what I owed them. I was lost and didn’t know what to do. I have never been this deep in financial trouble before.

Trying to remedy the situation, I reapplied for food stamps and tried to sign up for all kinds of programs for assistance with bills like rent and utilities. Unfortunately, because of how crappy of a state I live in, I was denied all help except for food stamps (which I still didn’t get the full amount). This started sending me over the edge. I still can’t believe the red tape you have to go through just to get help in North Carolina. A little off subject, but I’d like to give you some advice. If you ever considered moving here, don’t. Trust me. It’s a crappy state that I can’t wait to move as far away from as possible.

I tried looking for another job and asked for more hours at the current jobs I work at, but I still wasn’t making any leave way. I was frustrated and started to lose faith. Then, Autobotjohn decided to bail on me. He went down to Laurinburg, North Carolina to visit his parents. That was at least what he told me. He made a lot of effort to assure me that he wasn’t bailing. He said he wouldn’t bail on me. Well, that was a lie.

I don’t think I would have been as mad about it if he would have been honest with me and told me that he was going there to stay. Instead of being a man about it, he took the coward’s way out, and then, he expected me to forgive and forget. I can’t do that. To me, that is a stab in the back, and I don’t forgive those kind of actions anymore especially with the ways have been going. So, to me, I’ve lost yet another friend.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish any ill will on him. I truly hope he finds what he is looking for in Laurinburg. Like I’ve said before, though, I need to cut negativity out of my life, and he became a huge ball of it to me. So, I’m actually happier now that he is gone. He was just another anchor holding me down in life.

I wish that I could say things got better from here, but they didn’t. I got hit by even more. I found out that the chemo doctor who is treating my girlfriend, Gail, stated that he had exhausted every means at his disposal to treat her cancer. As a result, if the chemo she’s currently on didn’t work, he would take her off of chemo which would pretty much hand her a death sentence. I’ve been taking this pretty hard because she is all I really have in this world, and I don’t want to lose her. What scared me the most is how much she was ready to accept that. I personally don’t believe her doctor had tried every treatment possible, and I believe the only reason he is giving up is because of Gail’s financial situation. As we all know, everything is about the almighty dollar, which includes the medical field. I’ve been trying to convince her to take alternative treatment methods, but she has it in her head that it might be her time to go. I just can’t accept that, so even now, I still research new cancer treatments for her. I hope she will at least try one of my suggestions because I believe the cure for cancer is already out there. It’s just that pharmaceutical companies don’t want to back it because it is a natural remedy which they can’t patent which means there’s no real money in it. Once again, it’s all about the almighty dollar.

With everything hitting me, I even had to take a step back from school. I was unable to complete the class I was in which was Introduction to Business. I was getting too far behind with everything else on my mind. Luckily, they were very understanding and let me take the break. Now, I’ve finished that class, and I’m about to finish another class, Foundations of Information Technology. Hopefully, I can continue this progress as I’m still going through troubling times.

The break had did me some good, though. My head feels a lot clearer now. I am able to refocus on my goals. I also was able to get more hours at both of my jobs. It’s not enough to fully get by, but it’s a start. My other roommate has even got a job and starting to contribute to the household. Things were looking good until I had one more obstacle to overcome. I was struck by a SUV on the way to work on November 15 injuring both of my legs and damaged my bike. I’m fine, but my legs are still healing, especially my left ankle and right knee.

After all of this, I’m back and hopefully going stronger than ever towards my goals in life, but I have to apologize to my loyal followers. I didn’t mean to disappear like that without any notice. I will do everything in my power to make sure nothing like that happens ever again.. I made a promise to everyone that I would keep going no matter what, and I intend on living up to that promise. I hope y’all can forgive my absence and continue to be my loyal Krimsonites.

I’ve rededicated myself to this project called Krimson’s Korner and my company, Krimson Kreations, and you will see that in the upcoming weeks with more video posts as well as blog posts. Already, I have posted three new videos which are The Day of the Doctor Preview, Don't Blink!, and Time to Make the Dough.  Please go and enjoy those videos, and let me know what you think of them. You will also see in the next couple of days two more posts for this blog, so keep your eye out for them.

I’m also continuing to work on my novel, The God Complex, and I hope to be finished with Chapter 3 any day now. It’s all a matter of getting the time between homework and all the hours at my two jobs. I’ll continue to post my updates on my William J. Krimson Facebook page, so come check it out some time as well as check out the Krimson's Korner Store Facebook page.

Well, I’m about to call it a night (or a morning depending on how you look at it). I want to thank those who have stuck with me and remained loyal through these troubling times. I will do everything in my power to not let you down. It’s my Krimsonites that keep me going despite the adversity, so continue to show your support. I do appreciate it. It means the world to me. This is Krimson signing out.

They’re Coming For You…

This post may put my life in danger. It could very well put my name on the list of every government agency in this country. I’m about to talk about a very sensitive issue currently in the news in recent weeks. It involves the privacy of every American citizen and what the government was doing behind each and every one of our backs all in the name of keeping the U.S. safe. Based on this news, the government could be spying on my posts this very second and could consider my views on our government (which you know how I feel if you read my "About Me" post) an act of terrorism and cart me off as a terrorist. So, if I happen to disappear from the scene after this post, you know why.

All kidding aside, though, I know that everyone has heard of the man named Edward Snowden who was a former NSA contractor who claimed that the NSA was gathering information on American citizens by illegal and unconstitutional means. This information was being gathered through the internet by companies like Facebook, Google, YouTube, Microsoft, and Yahoo! just to name a few. This is not just some conspiracy theorist spreading fear off of some paranoid delusion either. It was confirmed by both the NSA and President Obama that the government had this capability. Of course, they denied that the program was used to spy on American citizens, but it was being used to spy on terrorist activity so they could keep the American public safe.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I never really believe half of what the government tells us is true. This news has me really concerned for the safety of our privacy. What scares me even more is that they say they’re doing this to protect us. Why does this sound like the plot for a conspiracy theory movie? Usually, whenever in the movies the government tells you they’re doing something for your own good, it usually is an outright lie. It is usually for the personal benefit of the ones in power. I think this is just a means of tightening the leash around the American public. It seems like more and more each day that the government is trying to limit the American people’s freedoms so they can better control us and take our attention off their abuse of power.

The program used to obtain this information from internet sources among others is called PRISM. It is a clandestine national security electronic surveillance program operated by the United States National Security Agency (NSA) since 2007. The name, PRISM, is actually a code name for a data-collection effort known officially by the SIGAD US-984XN. It originated back on September 11,2007 when President George W. Bush signed the Protect America Act of 2007. This allowed the NSA to start a massive domestic surveillance program. The program is operated under the supervision of the U.S. Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISC) pursuant to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA).

So, what exactly is PRISM being used for? That is the real question we are faced with. Our government states that it is being used to gather information on foreigners outside the United States who have malicious intentions against us. They say it is for the safety of our country, and the information gathered will be used to fight terrorist plots against the U.S. In some ways, I guess I could see the benefit in that with the increase of hatred towards the United States. Terrorist acts like 9/11, the Boston Marathon Bombing, and other heinous acts against American citizens all over the world in the name of groups like al-Qaeda have shown us that we do have to prepare for such things to protect our citizens as well as our way of living. We learned that since 9/11 the world has become a more dangerous place, and no one was safe from the acts of terrorism. Is that, though, what the NSA is using PRISM for or is there a more nefarious purpose behind the program?

Edward Snowden accuses the NSA of using this program to gather information on U.S. citizens that have absolutely no connections to terrorism or with anyone outside the U.S. He revealed that the NSA could unilaterally access data and perform “extensive, in-depth surveillance on live communications and stored information” with examples including email, video and voice chat, videos, photos, voice-over-IP chats (such as Skype), file transfers, and social networking details. He summarized that “in general, the reality is this: if an NSA, FBI, CIA, DIA, etc analyst has access to query raw SIGINT (signals intelligence) databases, they can enter and get results for anything they want. Apparently, the analysts search PRISM data using terms intended to identify suspicious communications of targets whom the analysts suspect with at least 51 percent confidence to not be U.S. citizens, but in the process, communication of some U.S. citizens are also collected unintentionally.

This is a scary thought. The idea that the government could be peeking around what I do on the internet and could “misconstrue” it as acts of terrorism is frightening. I don’t feel as safe on the internet as I used to. It was bad enough when employers started spying on employees on the internet to determine whether they maintained the “company image” in their private lives as well as their professional lives. Now, we have to worry about “big brother” spying on us and using our own information against us. Are things really that bad in the world today? Do we have to give up so many freedoms for the sake of safety?

Another question that has came up during this chain of event is whether Edward Snowden is a hero or a traitor to his country. It’s been a huge debate among everyone across the country. Some think he went to far when he fled the country. They think that if he really thought his cause was just, he would have stayed in the country to make his case. Others think he has revealed sensitive information to possible enemies of our country and put it at risk. They say he is a traitor and should face the consequences. Others still look at him as a hero of the common man opening our eyes to what our government is really all about. Do you think he is a hero or a traitor? Leave your opinion in the comments below. I would love to hear other people’s take on this.

Before leaving your opinion, though, let’s look at some of the facts. He obviously didn’t do this for money. Before these events, he was living quite comfortably in Hawaii. Now, he’s stuck in a Russian airport with no luxuries whatsoever. What other possible things could have been his motivation to reveal this information to the public? It could be for fame, but would it really be worth all the trouble he’s in for his “sixty seconds” in the spotlight. He could be an actual terrorist looking to destabilize our country, but my question would be why does he try to appeal to American masses.

So, what is his real motivation? In my opinion, I think he wants to honestly inform the American people of what our government is up to and hold them accountable for their actions. Unfortunately, he has made a huge sacrifice in his life to make sure we knew this information. I consider him a hero to us and should be treated as such. He has opened our eyes (which we should have already known before this) to the deceptive approach our government has taken against their own people.It’s time we hold our government accountable for their criminal actions against our freedoms and way of life. Maybe they should have informed us of their activities to keep us safe from the beginning instead of going to the lengths they have to keep their activities off the radar. If they would have been more open and honest with the American people, we might have not been so suspicious of everything they do.

One of the reasons that I tend to believe Edward Snowden’s accusations is the claims by President Obama that one of his goals was to establish a transparent administration so the American people would know what they wanted to accomplish. Obviously, that was an outright lie. At first, they were denying that they were even capable of collecting such data. Only after Edward Snowden stepped forward did they have no choice but to tell the truth. Have they told the whole truth now? I don’t think so because they still say they can’t monitor individual citizen’s conversations (through phones, emails, text messages, social networks, etc.), information, and internet history among other things. How can we believe them after all the lies they have already told? There have been too many denials that have been proven untrue. Their track record is tainted.

Lets look at the Director of National Intelligence, James Clapper. On March 12, 2013, during a hearing by the United States Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, he testified that the NSA wasn’t collecting any type of data at all on millions or hundreds of millions of Americans. He then stated not wittingly. He said that there were cases where information could have inadvertently be collect, but not wittingly. What kind of political half answer is that? You’re not collecting information on Americans, yet you may have inadvertently but not wittingly. You either did or didn’t, end of debate.

Then, on June 6, 2013, Director Clapper released a statement admitting the NSA collects metadata on millions of American telephone calls. This data included originating and terminating telephone numbers, telephone calling card numbers, IMEI number, time and duration of phone calls, but did not include the name, address or financial information of any subscriber.

On June 7, 2013, in an interview on NBC, Clapper admitted that he didn’t tell the truth at the hearing. He stated that he had chosen “I thought was the most truthful or least most untruthful manner” when he testified.

On June 27, 2013, 26 senators sent him a complaint letter opposing the use of a “body of secret law”. On July 1, 2013, Clapper issued an apology, saying that “My response was clearly erroneous – for which I apologize.” On July 2, Clapper said that he had forgotten about the Patriot Act and therefore had given an “erroneous” answer.

That’s why I believe the government should stop their pursuit of Snowden and begin pursuing the one’s who were behind this cover up. They obviously had no intentions of letting Congress, foreign countries, or the American public know about these clandestine methods of espionage all in the name of “national security”.

Here are some of the reactions of members of Congress:

Senator Susan Collins (R-ME), member of Senate Intelligence Committee and past member of Homeland Security Committee

• June 11 “I had, along with Joe Lieberman, a monthly threat briefing, but I did not have access to this highly compartmentalized information” and “How can you ask when you don’t know the program exists?”

Representative Jim Sensenbrenner (R-WI), principal sponsor of the Patriot Act.

• June 9, “This is well beyond what the Patriot Act allows.” “President Obama’s claim that ‘this is the most transparent administration in history’ has once again proven false. In fact, it appears that no administration has ever peered more closely or intimately into the lives of innocent Americans.”

Senator Mark Udall (D-CO)

• June 9 “I don’t think the American public knows the extent or knew the extent to which they were being surveilled and their data was being collected.” “I think we ought to reopen the Patriot Act and put some limits on the amount of data that the National Security (Agency) is collecting.” “It ought to remain sacred, and there’s got to be a balance here. That is what I’m aiming for. Let’s have the debate, let’s be transparent, let’s open this up.”

Representative Todd Rokita (R-IN)

• June 10 “We have no idea when they (FISA) meet, we have no idea what their judgments are.”

Senator Rand Paul (R-KY)

• June 6 “When the Senate rushed through a last-minute extension of the FISA Amendments Act late last year, I insisted on a vote on my amendment (SA 3436) to require stronger protections on business records and prohibiting the kind of data-mining this case has revealed. Just last month, I introduced S. 1037, the Fourth Amendment Preservation and Protection Act.”
• June 9 “I’m going to be seeing if I can challenge this at the Supreme Court level. I’m going to be asking the Internet providers and all of the phone companies: ask your customers to join me in a class-action lawsuit.”

Representative Luis Gutierrez (D-IL)

• June 9 “We will be receiving secret briefings and we will be asking, I know I’m going to be asking to get more information. I want to make sure that what they’re doing is harvesting information that is necessary to keep us safe and not simply going into everybody’s private telephone conversations and Facebook and communications. I mean one of the, you know, the terrorists win when you debilitate freedom of expression and privacy.

Here are responses and involvement of other countries:

Austria

The former head of the office for the protection of the constitution, Rene Polli, stated he knew the PRISM program under a different name. He admitted there were surveillance activities in Austria as well. Already 2009 Polli said the U.S. agencies wanted to do things which did violate Austrian law, but Polli refused to allow such operations.

Australia

The Australian government has said it will investigate the impact of the PRISM program and the use of the Pine Gap surveillance facility on the privacy of Australian citizens.

Canada

Canada’s national cryptologic agency, the Communications Security Establishment, said that commenting on PRISM “would undermine CSE’s ability to carry out its mandate.” Privacy Commissioner Jennifer Stoddart lamented Canada’s standards when it comes to protecting personal online privacy stating “We have fallen to far behind” in her report. “While other nations’ data protection authorities have the legal power to make binding orders, levy hefty fines and take meaningful action in the event of serious data breaches, we are restricted to a ‘soft’ approach: persuasion, encouragement and, at the most, the potential to publish the names of transgressors in the public interest.” And, “when push comes to shove,” Stoddart wrote, “short of a costly and time-consuming court battle, we have no power to enforce our recommendations.”

Germany

Germany did not receive any raw PRISM data, according to a Reuters report. German Chancellor Angela Merkel said that “the Internet is new to all of us” to explain the nature of the program; Matthew Schofield of McClatchy Washington Bureau said, “She was roundly mocked for that statement.” The former head of the Austrian office for the protection of the constitution, Rene Polli, stated he knew the PRISM program under a different name. Already 2009 Polli said the U.S. agencies wanted to do things which did violate Austrian law. Polli says it is therefore, “absurd and non-natural” should the Germans have not known anything.

Israel

Israeli newspaper Calcalist discussed the Business Insider article about the possible involvement of technologies from two secretive Israeli companies in the PRISM program – Verint Systems and Narus.

New Zealand

In New Zealand, University of Otago information science Associate Professor Hank Wolfe said that “under what was unofficially known as the Five Eyes Alliance, New Zealand and other governments, including the United States, Australia, Canada, and Britain, dealt with internal spying by saying they didn’t do it. But they have all the partners doing it for them and then they share all the information.

United Kingdom

In the United Kingdom, Government Communications Headquarters (GCHQ) has its own surveillance program Tempora, had access to the PRISM program on or before June 2010 and wrote 197 reports with it in 2012 alone. PRISM may have allowed GCHQ to circumvent the formal legal process required to seek personal material.

I think this whole matter is crazy. We’ve got to put a stop to the government spying on our lives. We, as American citizens, have a right to privacy which has countless times been violated for the sake of national security. Not every citizen is a suspected terrorist so stop treating us as such. If we can’t stop them here, how much further could this go? Do they start controlling what we eat, what we say, what we enjoy, what job we do? It scares me to think of the consequences of this slippery slope we’re going down. Where are the checks and balances for these actions? I think the people behind these programs should be held accountable. We need to bring them up on criminal charges of invading our privacy. We have to do something. We have to put our foot down and take action.

Anyways, I wanted to give you a little information on this political game of Where is Snowden (Waldo)? that has been in the news for the past few weeks. I hope it will open your eyes to what is going on around you and give you initiative to take part in what’s going on. I also want to warn you to be careful what you put on the internet these days because there’s no telling on who’s watching. We no longer live in the country of freedom, choice, and opportunity. We live in a country that gives you freedom when it doesn’t endanger national security or when it suites our leaders. Let’s stand up to this government and make it clear that we’re not going to take this anymore. We want what was promised to us when our forefathers drafted up the original constitution and Bill of Rights. Be active in your local community and stand up for what you believe in. If you don’t, be ready for the consequences. This program is only the tip of the iceberg of what’s to come if we don’t make a stand now. So, stand with me now, Americans, and say no more to our government. It’s time for a change.

Man of Steel Review (Spoilers)

Hey, all of my Krimsonites! Okay, that was kind of cheesy. I won’t use that term ever again. Anyways, I saw the movie, “Man of Steel”, a couple of weeks ago, and I ‘m here now to give you my review of the movie. Now, I know you’re wondering why I didn’t write this review sooner, but a lot of things came up that prevented me from getting the time needed to write this review. Let me guess, though, that is no excuse, and you’re right. It isn’t so I hope I can make that up to you now.

Well, like I said, I went to see this movie a couple of weeks ago with a few friends which I have to thank one of them for paying my way in. First, I have to admit that I really wasn’t looking forward to this movie. As a lot of people who know me are aware of, I’m not a huge Superman fan. I’ve always had a problem with a character who was designed as almost perfect as he was. He almost had no weaknesses besides what was worked in later (kryptonite, magic, etc.), and he never really had any character flaws until recent times. He was pretty much a super powered boy scout, too perfect for my taste. I guess it also doesn’t help that I’m more of a Marvel fan. I always felt they designed more realistic human characters (with their exceptions) than DC did.

Now, don’t worry. I’m not going to tear this movie apart. Even though I don’t really care for Superman, I did go into this movie with an open mind. I also tried to forget the images I had of the old Superman movie with Christopher Reeve. I’m probably going to get a lot of heat for this, but I thought that movie was terrible. It did a great job of introducing Superman, but the overall story sucked. It was too sappy. He had no real villain to face. The challenges were mediocre at best, and the climatic end where Lois Lane dies was easily overcame by a simple flight around the earth which changed the rotation that apparently reversed time. Anyways, that was the 70s for you. It was your typical campy 70s blockbuster.

I’ll start off by saying this movie definitely surpassed the original 1978 classic. I have to admit that I was taken back by the leaps and bounds this movie had made. This was no boy scout do-gooder. He wasn’t the perfect ideal super hero who never did any wrong. He had doubts about himself. He questioned his father’s wisdom. He made mistakes. He wasn’t perfect which made him a more believable character. Everyone has flaws, even fictional people. It’s all a part of what makes us who we are. For the first time, I felt for the character. He had no idea on who he was, and the decisions he had to make had real consequences from when he had to watch his earth father die to when he had to kill the main villain, Zod.

Speaking of Zod, he was one of the major improvements of the movie franchise. For the first time, there was a villain worthy of Superman’s attention. He wasn’t any bumbling genius (Lex Luthor) who was trying to commit heinous acts just so he could make a buck off of real estate. Zod posed a real threat to the world at large with all of his followers. And his plan wasn’t entirely for evil purposes. He had some what good intentions to save his people from extinction. He just went about it the wrong way in his quest to preserve Kryptonian heritage at the expense of the human race. My possible only gripe about Zod was the fact that the story was in some way a rehash of “Superman II”, but that wasn’t an entirely bad thing. It’s just that Superman has a pretty extensive list of super villains they could have pulled out of the vault instead of choosing the one villain that was created just for the movies.

I’m not saying they should have chose another villain for this movie. I’m just saying they had the option, and I hope they explore that option in the sequels to come. I don’t want them to just rehash old ideas from the Christopher Reeve days. Zod was a good choice. He definitely gave Superman a run for his money which was another improvement of the movie. It had action, and I mean a real knock through buildings and leave Metropolis in ruins kind of slugfest. Superman had to pull out all of the stops to fight Zod and all of his followers. There was no holding back. He had to use his fists and pull no punches. It was the kind of fight I wanted to see in this kind of movie. Now, some people say the fight scenes were too drawn out. I disagree. For this fight to truly be epic, it had to be fought all over Metropolis, across Smallville, and even into outer space. The only part, in my opinion, that was weak was the part where Zod attempted to kill civilians at the end of their fight. It didn’t have that feel that Zod may actually succeed and kill those who Superman swore to protect. It just confirmed that Superman would have no choice but to kill him, something I didn’t think they would let Superman do. It was too anti-climatic. Other than that, I rather enjoyed the action at the end of the movie.

This is how Superman should have been. If they would have taken this approach back in the Christopher Reeve days, I might have actually became a fan. I know special effects were limited back then, but they could have still made the movies more action-packed. That’s why if I watch any Superman movie from that time period, it’s “Superman II”. “Man of Steel” took some of what made that movie successful and improved it tenfold. It wasn’t sappy. It had a huge amount of action, and it may have established the second most successful franchise in DC in recent years.

That’s not to say that the movie was perfect. It definitely had its flaws, but they were from a writing aspect and not because I’m not a Superman fan. As a writer, I tend to notice things in movies that some people miss. For instance, I can tell when they rushed a movie out. It feels like they were more concerned with getting it out to the public rather than making it the best possible movie they can. I also notice things like plot holes and character development.

My first gripe was with Russell Crowe’s character, Jor-El. I think they put too much focus on his character. It felt like they thought the movie just couldn’t survive without help from Jor-El. I like the fact that they did develop who his character was, but he had way too much freedom as some kind of holographic persona of his former self later in the movie. My other gripe about him was that he was supposed to be a scientist, yet he fought like a hardened soldier. I’m not saying a scientist can’t fight, but Zod was supposed to have been bred for combat. He should have wiped the floor with Jor-El. I understand this is Russell Crowe, and he’s usually an action star. The movie wasn’t supposed to be about him, though. He was supposed to play more of a background character, a tool to show who Superman really was. All I can say is that they must have paid him a ton of money just to be a bit part and then realized that was a huge financial mistake, so they wrote more parts for him further in the movie.

My next gripe was the backstory. Overall, it was kind of weak. I’ve heard that some people had complained that the original movie focused too much on Clark Kent’s beginnings, but I disagree. It gave you a true insight on how he became the man in the blue and red suit. They did cover some things about his past in the movie, but left you with a real lot of holes in his backstory. They probably could have left out the entire backstory all together and it wouldn’t have made that much of a difference. Now, some people (especially people who knows his origins) thinks it’s boring sitting through his past to get to the parts they want to see where he’s beating the crap out of the bad guys, but I think it is an essential part of explaining why he does what he does especially to those who have never seen Superman before (they do exist). I would have gladly sat through another backstory to get a better feel for this interpretation of Superman like I did with “The Amazing Spider-Man”.

Speaking of backstory, I think Kevin Costner got the short end of the stick in this affair. He is a great actor and could have brought such depth to the character of Clark’s adopted father, Jonathan Kent. Instead, he was reduced to a very small part of the movie. It also didn’t seem to me like he really taught Clark much about being the hero he would become. All he taught him was to hide his power, almost like he should have been ashamed of who he was because he wasn’t human. This was supposed to be an attempt to make Jonathan Kent a more real character, but it just made him forgettable. “The Amazing Spider-Man” suffered the same problems with Uncle Ben. They really didn’t develop any real relationship between Clark and Jonathan. The closest they came to a connection was when Jonathan told Clark how he arrived in their lives. The worse part came when he was killed by a tornado. I had no emotional connection to Jonathan at all, and it didn’t seem like Clark did either. The final message he left Clark didn’t help things. He made Clark watch and not interfere as the tornado swept him away. His last message was hide who you are. He should have been proud of his adopted son’s gifts. Oh, the tornado death was also a little over the top unlike the heart attack he had in the original movie.

I think that was a huge problem with most of the movie. There were no real character connections with a lot of the cast in the movie. Most of the focus was on Superman, Jor-El, Zod, Faora, Colonel Nathan Hardy, and a little bit on Lois Lane which may not be an entirely bad thing. I just think they could have done a little more character development for Lois Lane, Perry White, and Martha Kent. I didn’t really feel any connection for these characters in the movie. They could have been killed off, and I wouldn’t have noticed. I think the relationships these characters have, especially with Clark Kent, help develop what Superman fights for, and it was a lost opportunity in this movie. I hope they do more character development for these characters in future sequels.

Probably the worst is Perry White. His character was totally unnecessary in this movie except maybe to establish where Lois Lane worked and where Clark Kent will work in the future. During the scenes where he and his co-workers were trying to escape the devastation, I felt no empathy for him at all. I felt like the scenes were totally pointless because I wasn’t properly introduced to him. Like I said before, he could have been killed, and I wouldn’t haven’t even taken notice. It’s a shame, tool Laurence Fishburne is another outstanding actor that was crapped upon in this movie. I only hope he will come back to the role in the sequels, so I can see how he will portray this version of Perry White. I want to see more of his character in future movies.

Like I said, this movie definitely had it's flaws, but overall, I really enjoyed this it which is hard for me to say since I’m a Marvel fan. It’s the first movie since Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy that has really shown any kind of real competition for the ever growing collection of Marvel movies out there. Is it my favorite movie? No, I don’t think a Superman movie will ever be my favorite. Did I like this movie? Yes, I really liked the new direction they took with this version. Would I see it again? Yes, I definitely could see myself watching this again especially after hearing about all of the easter eggs that were apparently placed around the film (like Wayne Tech appearing on the satellite that Zod ripped apart). Would I buy it? One of my friends might be surprised, but yes, I will definitely have to buy this movie. I hope the sequels can only build on the success that this movie has established. I also hope they work on the flaws that this film had, or I might not be as lenient on the next one. Anyways, I give it 4 out of 5 stars despite its flaws. I definitely think it is going in the right suggestion, and I suggest this movie for anyone who hasn’t seen it yet. For the Superman fans out there, I suggest watching it a minimum of three times. Anyways, this has been a review by Krimson, and this is Krimson signing off.

*   *   *   *

4 out of 5 stars

Remembering Dad

As we all know, today is Father’s Day. It’s a day where we celebrate one half of the two most important people in our lives, our fathers. Today, people around the country are buying cards and gifts to send to their fathers. They’re taking their dads out to eat at expensive restaurants. They’re doing extra chores around the house so Dad can have a day off from being the man of the house. They’re doing all kinds of nice gestures just to tell Dad thanks, that we love him, and to let him know we are glad he is a part of our lives.

I used to do all those things for my dad, too. I enjoyed finally doing a little something for him for all the things he had done for me throughout my life. Unfortunately, I can’t do those kind of things for him anymore. He passed from a massive heart attack on May 12, 2010. So, I decided since I started this blog that I would write a post dedicated to him on this day of celebration as a tribute to the great man I came to know as Dad. Hopefully, it does him justice because I believe he deserves the credit for all the hard work he put into me, and believe me, it was a lot of hard work.

At first, I have to admit at first that we didn’t have the greatest of relationships. When I was growing up, all I saw was a man who was never home. He was always working and seemed to never take an interest in what I was doing as a kid. And when he was home, he drank a lot which scared me. What I didn’t realize until recent years was all the sacrifices he made just to make sure my mother and I had a roof over our heads and food on our plates. He also had no true way to deal with all the stress from work and dealing with an ungrateful wife and son which caused him to drink. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have treated him a whole lot better than I did, but I didn’t know any better. I was just a kid.

I didn’t really get to know who he was, though, until my high school years. That’s when it seemed like to me that he took an interest in my life. He didn’t always agree with my choices (heck, I don’t anymore), but he supported me regardless. He backed me on my writing always giving me words of encouragement and trying to get me to take the step to get published. He tried to steer me towards what could have been a rewarding career in computers which I wish I would have done. He bought my very first car which was a 1985 Pontiac Grand Am so I didn’t have to walk to school. He paid for braces for my teeth. He gave me money and stuff whenever I asked for it.

The only thing he didn’t give me (which I don’t blame him) was the time to share with him. He wasn’t the kind of person you could talk to about things that bothered you. He wasn’t a really emotional person so he had trouble showing that he cared other than through his actions which should have been enough. I didn’t see it that way, though. All I could see was that kids around me had a dad who would do things with them, and I didn’t. I regret feeling that way now.

And that’s how I thanked him for all the stuff he had done for me. I felt like he didn’t care about me. I thought he hated me. As a result, I fought him every step of the way. Everything he did for me I would throw back at him. I thought it was being rebellious like young people do and did not realize how disrespectful I was being. I could slap myself now for giving him such a hard time and making his life all the more stressful.

Even though he didn’t agree with my choice, he even supported my decision to go to school to become what I thought would be my career path, a private investigator. He paid for my studies in Criminal Justice and tried to keep pushing me to complete my studies. Was I grateful for what he had done? Sadly, I wasn’t, and I didn’t even finish my studies. I dropped out after one year because it was too much for me. I feel like such an ass for that now.

Because of that and increasing bickering with my mother probably prompted him to do what he did next. Apparently, he had finally had enough. He filed for divorce from my mother and moved out. This definitely ripped a hole in our relationship. I had felt like he had abandoned me and my mother. I hated him because of that. I didn’t care whether he lived or died at that point, and I wanted to cause him nothing but pain. That’s something I will regret for the rest of my life.

He still cared about us, though. He made sure we were well-taken care of. I just didn’t realize at the time how much things were getting to him. I only saw the pain he was causing me and my mother. He never went through with the divorce, though,  and ended up reconciling with my mother. Shortly after, he moved back in, but I never forgave him for what he had done. I held that hatred for him for a long time until my girlfriend made me see things from a different perspective.

I started truly understanding what he did for me when he helped me with my first place. He helped me look at places. He bought all kind of apartment firsts. He furnished my apartment, and he helped me get my third car. This man did all of this for me regardless of how much of an ass I acted like towards him. He even helped my brother who was going through hard times at the same time. I started realizing what my girlfriend was telling me about him, and I started to truly appreciate what he did for me.

From that point on, we finally started getting closer. We did things together like eating out and going to the beach. For the first time, I felt like I had a father, one that I loved, and I wanted to show him how much I truly appreciated him. I finally got a chance to do all those things that kids do for their fathers on Father’s Day, his birthday, and Christmas. I also felt like I could finally talk to him about things that were bothering me. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

Unfortunately, it had to happen at such a late point in his life. Sometimes, I feel like I never really got a chance to tell him just how much I appreciated him in my life. He passed before I really got that chance., and I regret that I never did these kind of things for him when I was younger. It might have made his life a hell of a lot easier. You can’t live in the past, though. You have to keep moving forward, but I wanted to take this time to acknowledge one of the most important people in my life.

So, I want to take this time right now to tell my dad, thank you. Thank you for always pushing me, for always supporting what I did whether or not you agreed with it. I want to thank you for always being there, and for help molding me into the man I am today. You taught me a lot of things in life from cooking to repair work. You gave me such an insight on what the world was really all about. You put up with all of my crap and never gave up on me. You also taught me the most important lesson you could have taught me that I still live by today. You taught me to do what I have to do to take care of business and support the people I care about. I’ll never forget that lesson, and I’ll pass that lesson to my kids (if I ever have any).

I’m sorry that I gave you such a hard time when I was growing up, and I would do anything to take back a lot of the hateful things I said to you. It’s true what they say. You don’t realize what you have until it is gone. You told me I would realize what you had done for me when you were gone, and guess what, you were right. I miss you, Dad, and I hope you can still hear me from heaven. I at least know now you are at peace, and I hope one day to see you again when it’s my time to go. I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

Happy Father’s Day

Dad!

About Me

Hey, my name is Jack Krimson, but most people know me by just Krimson. I am the writer of Krimson’s Korner and the brains behind Krimson Kreations. I spent weeks debating over what my first post would be. There were a lot of things that was on my mind that I could create a whole post on, but I needed the perfect one to introduce my page. Then, it hit me. Why don’t I write a post introducing who I am? I thought it might be the best way to give you some insight on what you are getting yourself into. It will let you know what kind of things you can expect me to blog about here at the Korner.

Now, some of you maybe wondering why I didn’t just place this in my profile. The answer to that is simple. That section in a profile is meant for more of an intro to someone, and that’s what I used it for. I didn’t think, though, that it gave enough of an insight on who I am. I thought some people may want to know a little more about what makes me tick, and I knew the kind of information I wanted to put to answer that question would be way too much to write on something that was only meant to give a snapshot of who you are. That’s when I decided to make this my first post.

Some of you may not even care about who writes these posts. You’re just ready to jump into the meat and potatoes of my content, and that’s okay. This post is obviously not for you. Just skip this post and go straight to the next one and enjoy. I’m just glad that you are here period and show enough interest to even care about what I think of this world we live in. If you do change your mind later, though, and want to learn a little about me, just come on back here. It will always be here waiting for those who are interested. Anyways, before I begin to ramble on (which it looks like I did already), lets get into the reason most of you are here for. It begins with one simple question. Who am I?

First of all, I would like to mention that who I am now is different from who I used to be. My life used to be such a dark place to live, one that I refuse to go back to. There was so much negativity, depression, and hatred in my life that I couldn’t see the great things around me. One day, I may go deeper into those parts of my past in future post, but for now, I declare no more. It's a new chapter in my life. I only want positive things and people in my life. I want to explore the full possibilities of what my life could be. I plan to put my full energies into the creative side of me. I want to see what I am truly capable of because that is what my new mission in life is. I want to reach my fullest potential. I think I am capable of so much more, and it's time to see just how much more I am.

Now, let’s get back to the question of who I am. That's such a deep question, deeper than it would lead you to believe. So who am I? Well, it depends on what angle you see me from because I am many things. There are so many parts that make up who I am that it's hard to choose where to start, but I'm going to try my best. Some people already know certain aspects, but I don't think anyone knows them all. As a result, some parts of me may surprise those who know me, but that's the idea. Part of my new perspective, my new chapter if you will, is to let people know who I really am. It's important if you are to understand me, and besides, it's about time I let people in.

First and foremost, I am a writer, a sci-fi writer to be more precise. Nothing makes me happy like spinning a tale from the deeper regions of my imagination. I get such a high from sitting in front of a computer pounding away at the keys about my latest adventures into another world. In some ways, you can consider it therapeutic. In other ways, you can say it's a form of escape. Regardless, it's what makes me happy, and it's what I want to do as a career.

I'm currently working on making a page of my works that I've been writing under the pen name William J. Krimson. The page is on Blogger, and it’s called Krimson Kreations. It will contain work samples as well as the latest news on my road to become a published author. Hopefully, you all will come visit this page and like it, maybe even spread the word about it.

I've recently been trying to expand my creative energies to other areas besides writing. Consider it a subsection of the part of me that is a writer. I consider myself a creative entrepreneur. I've been dabbling with blogs (like this one) and creating videos on YouTube. These ventures are just the tip of the iceberg, though. I want to fully explore my creative side. I don't know where else this path will lead me, so this should be an interesting and educational journey of my mind.

I am a great friend. I care deeply for those who I am close to. I will do anything for them even if that means taking a bullet. They're like family to me. I'm a great listener and try not to judge what they do. I try, though, not to give much in the way of advice. I have found that very dangerous territory in the past. Plus, I definitely don't consider myself qualified to give anyone advice anymore. First, I have to fix my life which is a work in progress. I am also loyal to my friends to a fault. I have been known in the past to give people who definitely didn't deserve it countless chances despite what they had done in the past. It has caused me some serious emotional scars as a result, but I try not to give up on people so easily no matter the cost. Let’s hope this isn’t a mistake.

There's one I am loyal to well above and beyond. She was a very important part of what motivated me to start a new chapter in my life. She's my girlfriend (hopefully one day my wife). She changed my outlook on a lot of things. She opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life including on how certain family members were poisoning my life. She made me see all the possibilities in life and made me see things from a different perspective (sometimes whether I wanted to or not). I can never thank her enough for what she has done for me. I know, though, that I love her with all of my heart. I only hope one day that she will marry me.

I like to consider myself a philosopher. I have a constant hunger for knowledge and love to research the truths and principles of being, knowledge, and content. As a result, I try to keep an open mind about everything. I think that is particularly important in this day and age with the level of diversity we live with in the modern age. Too many people these days are way too closed-minded to fully appreciate the complex world we live in now. Being open to new ideas and new philosophies is the key to our step into the future. It takes us one more step away from being the primitives and savages we used to be in our past. It's the key to enlightenment.

Speaking of enlightenment, I will state that I do believe in God, though. I just refuse to be labeled under any one religion. I guess in a way that makes me more of a spiritual person than a religious one. I believe that there is too much hypocrisy in today's religions. Too many people try to impress on to you on what their own personal interpretations are of the Bible, Koran, or whatever version of religious writings there are out there. They try to make you believe that their interpretation is the only true meaning. That's the thing about writing, though. It's meant to be interpreted differently by each individual person who reads it so they can personalize the experience and make it their own. That's why I don't believe that one book can dictate how we should live our lives, especially one written by man who we know are corrupt and imperfect. The only way one book can have so much power is if God himself physically wrote the pages and then stood before us to teach His word so we could learn his true intentions. I do believe though that those teachings are already out there. They lie within each and every one of us. It is the underlining morality within each and every one of us. It dictates what is truly good and evil and what is right and wrong. It's not exclusively within humans either. It's within all of God's creations. Every living thing on this planet lives under this code of ethics if you will. Some of us just have different rules to follow.

I also consider myself anti-government. Now, that doesn't mean I believe that society should have no government. I don't think we could survive without some form of leadership. I just think that the government we live under today has failed us. Our constitution was never meant for a modern age world. It, as well as the seats of power in Washington, have become archaic, outdated. It is time for a major overhaul on how our government operates which might mean a start from scratch strategy. What's worse is that I think our elected officials know it's time for a change and are not ready to give up the power they now hold. I think that is why some of our constitutional rights listed in the Bill of Rights are no longer guaranteed to us like they used to be. The powers that be are afraid of what we might become as a society, so they have decided to use a means of control over the populace by limiting what was once our God given rights of freedom. The day will come one day unfortunately because no one can stop change. It is as inevitable as the change of the times.

On a lighter side, I am a major enthusiast of works of sci-fi and fantasy. I think those are truly the heart and soul of creative writing. They explore things and ideas that in the real world we are afraid to explore. It's the biggest freedom of expression we have, at least in my opinion. That's why I enjoy works like "The Lord of the Rings", "Star Trek", "War of the Worlds", "Harry Potter", and "Star Wars" just to name a few. What some people don't realize is that there is usually some kind of underlining issue in these works that we don't like to admit about society. That's why, in some way, I consider these works some what educational. It gives us a deep insight of who we are and what we can become. For those out there who are not big fans of sci-fi and fantasy, I suggest giving these works a chance. It's just a suggestion, though. The choice is yours, but I really think it will open your eyes to such a bigger world than you ever realized existed.

I am also a collector. I love collecting swords, Transformers, Marvel characters, novels, and movies. There's a certain joy about getting a new item to my collection that I can't just explain. I guess you can say it's the inner nerd inside of me. I've never been into sports, hunting, cars, home improvement projects, or going out with the guys and having a beer at the local bar. I guess that makes me weird, and I am proud of that fact. I don't want to ever be normal. Normal is boring. I like being one of a kind, hence the nicknames the Weird 1 and the ODT (I’ll explain this one later). It is a part of what defines who I am. It's just something people will have to deal with.

Which brings me to another aspect of me. I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder or as it is called, OCD. I can't help it that I like things a certain way in my life. I no longer apologize for that. It's who I am. I know that it drives some people I know crazy how I like certain things, but it's something they will have to accept about me or move on. One new philosophy I have adopted recently is that I will no longer apologize for who I am. People will have to learn to deal with it or find someone else to associate with. There are no exceptions.

I love playing video games. I have since the days of the old Atari all the way up to the Xbox 360. It's my guilty pleasure so to speak. It's my escape and helps me release my frustrations of life. To those who say it's a childish activity, you don't realize the therapeutic nature of playing in an imaginary world. It lets you be what you can't be in the real world without consequence. It doesn't take over my life, though, like it did when I was younger, but I still play on occasion. It allows me to be a kid again for at least a little while which I think is healthy for everyone.

I am definitely a nature enthusiast. I love hiking out in the middle of the wilderness with no civilization for miles around. That is my place of serenity, a place for peace and solitude. There's just something calming about being one with nature that I first learned when I was four years old when I got lost in the woods. Ever since then, the woods have been my second home. Sadly, I haven't been able to hike in recent years and have been working to change that. I want to get back to nature and enjoy the beauties that Mother Nature can offer. I miss it terribly.

I believe I am a hard worker. I have a philosophy of you do what you have to do. I live firmly behind that. I believe some things in life you have to earn through hard work. It was something that was taught to me by my dad, and I think it holds true even today. Unfortunately, we're also in a society that believes the world always owes them something. A majority of the world have become spoiled by today's society and no longer no what it means to do a hard day's work. The idea that you have to earn what you get is no longer taught. It has become a foreign concept. Convenience has become the new truth. It's all about what makes it convenient to society. I think this is a huge mistake and will one day bite us all in the ass. It's all a part of our survival instincts that we are losing that may determine someday whether or not we continue on as a species. I only hope that is not the case, and one day, we will realize that some of the teachings of our parents and their parents are important lessons that we will need to move forward.

Well, that's all of who I am. Okay, maybe that is not all of me. I guess I should discuss that aspect of me that some people think i have. Sometimes, I have been called an asshole or a prick. They say that I can be an isolationist and a loner. I'll admit that I can be. I have to be honest. It's all a part of my darker side. It's a side I'm not terribly proud of, but it is still a part of me none the less. It's also a part of me I try to keep suppressed. I once tried to purge myself of that part of me, but I have come to realize that it is just as much a part of me as the rest is. But that doesn't mean I embrace it. I fear it. I'm afraid of what I am truly capable of if I let that side take over. You see, like I said earlier, it's a part of that underlining morality inside all of us that allows the potential for both good and evil. We all have that dark side in us, and most of us fear it. Some would say that the darkness was the devil inside of us, but I disagree. I believe it is a big part of who we are. It reminds us of what we used to be like as a species and warns us of what we could still become. It reminds us of why we should strive to be better than what we are. It lets us know what the right thing to do is. You can call it a conscious, God, karma, or whatever, but it is most definitely a huge part of who we are. It is why I don't believe evil will ever truly be purged from the world. Without it, we would be incomplete as a person.

Anyways, that's me in a nutshell (insert scene from “Austin Powers”). I'm just a person on the road of recovery trying to live a better life with better people. Hopefully, I and the people I really care about (you know who you are) can find that peace and happiness we all strive for. If you're just getting to know me, I hope this gives you a little insight and doesn't scare you away. For those who have known me for a while, I want to thank you for always being there for me. I hope you always will be. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Well, thank you for taking the time to read this, and have a great day.