Remembering Dad

As we all know, today is Father’s Day. It’s a day where we celebrate one half of the two most important people in our lives, our fathers. Today, people around the country are buying cards and gifts to send to their fathers. They’re taking their dads out to eat at expensive restaurants. They’re doing extra chores around the house so Dad can have a day off from being the man of the house. They’re doing all kinds of nice gestures just to tell Dad thanks, that we love him, and to let him know we are glad he is a part of our lives.

I used to do all those things for my dad, too. I enjoyed finally doing a little something for him for all the things he had done for me throughout my life. Unfortunately, I can’t do those kind of things for him anymore. He passed from a massive heart attack on May 12, 2010. So, I decided since I started this blog that I would write a post dedicated to him on this day of celebration as a tribute to the great man I came to know as Dad. Hopefully, it does him justice because I believe he deserves the credit for all the hard work he put into me, and believe me, it was a lot of hard work.

At first, I have to admit at first that we didn’t have the greatest of relationships. When I was growing up, all I saw was a man who was never home. He was always working and seemed to never take an interest in what I was doing as a kid. And when he was home, he drank a lot which scared me. What I didn’t realize until recent years was all the sacrifices he made just to make sure my mother and I had a roof over our heads and food on our plates. He also had no true way to deal with all the stress from work and dealing with an ungrateful wife and son which caused him to drink. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have treated him a whole lot better than I did, but I didn’t know any better. I was just a kid.

I didn’t really get to know who he was, though, until my high school years. That’s when it seemed like to me that he took an interest in my life. He didn’t always agree with my choices (heck, I don’t anymore), but he supported me regardless. He backed me on my writing always giving me words of encouragement and trying to get me to take the step to get published. He tried to steer me towards what could have been a rewarding career in computers which I wish I would have done. He bought my very first car which was a 1985 Pontiac Grand Am so I didn’t have to walk to school. He paid for braces for my teeth. He gave me money and stuff whenever I asked for it.

The only thing he didn’t give me (which I don’t blame him) was the time to share with him. He wasn’t the kind of person you could talk to about things that bothered you. He wasn’t a really emotional person so he had trouble showing that he cared other than through his actions which should have been enough. I didn’t see it that way, though. All I could see was that kids around me had a dad who would do things with them, and I didn’t. I regret feeling that way now.

And that’s how I thanked him for all the stuff he had done for me. I felt like he didn’t care about me. I thought he hated me. As a result, I fought him every step of the way. Everything he did for me I would throw back at him. I thought it was being rebellious like young people do and did not realize how disrespectful I was being. I could slap myself now for giving him such a hard time and making his life all the more stressful.

Even though he didn’t agree with my choice, he even supported my decision to go to school to become what I thought would be my career path, a private investigator. He paid for my studies in Criminal Justice and tried to keep pushing me to complete my studies. Was I grateful for what he had done? Sadly, I wasn’t, and I didn’t even finish my studies. I dropped out after one year because it was too much for me. I feel like such an ass for that now.

Because of that and increasing bickering with my mother probably prompted him to do what he did next. Apparently, he had finally had enough. He filed for divorce from my mother and moved out. This definitely ripped a hole in our relationship. I had felt like he had abandoned me and my mother. I hated him because of that. I didn’t care whether he lived or died at that point, and I wanted to cause him nothing but pain. That’s something I will regret for the rest of my life.

He still cared about us, though. He made sure we were well-taken care of. I just didn’t realize at the time how much things were getting to him. I only saw the pain he was causing me and my mother. He never went through with the divorce, though,  and ended up reconciling with my mother. Shortly after, he moved back in, but I never forgave him for what he had done. I held that hatred for him for a long time until my girlfriend made me see things from a different perspective.

I started truly understanding what he did for me when he helped me with my first place. He helped me look at places. He bought all kind of apartment firsts. He furnished my apartment, and he helped me get my third car. This man did all of this for me regardless of how much of an ass I acted like towards him. He even helped my brother who was going through hard times at the same time. I started realizing what my girlfriend was telling me about him, and I started to truly appreciate what he did for me.

From that point on, we finally started getting closer. We did things together like eating out and going to the beach. For the first time, I felt like I had a father, one that I loved, and I wanted to show him how much I truly appreciated him. I finally got a chance to do all those things that kids do for their fathers on Father’s Day, his birthday, and Christmas. I also felt like I could finally talk to him about things that were bothering me. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

Unfortunately, it had to happen at such a late point in his life. Sometimes, I feel like I never really got a chance to tell him just how much I appreciated him in my life. He passed before I really got that chance., and I regret that I never did these kind of things for him when I was younger. It might have made his life a hell of a lot easier. You can’t live in the past, though. You have to keep moving forward, but I wanted to take this time to acknowledge one of the most important people in my life.

So, I want to take this time right now to tell my dad, thank you. Thank you for always pushing me, for always supporting what I did whether or not you agreed with it. I want to thank you for always being there, and for help molding me into the man I am today. You taught me a lot of things in life from cooking to repair work. You gave me such an insight on what the world was really all about. You put up with all of my crap and never gave up on me. You also taught me the most important lesson you could have taught me that I still live by today. You taught me to do what I have to do to take care of business and support the people I care about. I’ll never forget that lesson, and I’ll pass that lesson to my kids (if I ever have any).

I’m sorry that I gave you such a hard time when I was growing up, and I would do anything to take back a lot of the hateful things I said to you. It’s true what they say. You don’t realize what you have until it is gone. You told me I would realize what you had done for me when you were gone, and guess what, you were right. I miss you, Dad, and I hope you can still hear me from heaven. I at least know now you are at peace, and I hope one day to see you again when it’s my time to go. I love you, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

Happy Father’s Day

Dad!

About Me

Hey, my name is Jack Krimson, but most people know me by just Krimson. I am the writer of Krimson’s Korner and the brains behind Krimson Kreations. I spent weeks debating over what my first post would be. There were a lot of things that was on my mind that I could create a whole post on, but I needed the perfect one to introduce my page. Then, it hit me. Why don’t I write a post introducing who I am? I thought it might be the best way to give you some insight on what you are getting yourself into. It will let you know what kind of things you can expect me to blog about here at the Korner.

Now, some of you maybe wondering why I didn’t just place this in my profile. The answer to that is simple. That section in a profile is meant for more of an intro to someone, and that’s what I used it for. I didn’t think, though, that it gave enough of an insight on who I am. I thought some people may want to know a little more about what makes me tick, and I knew the kind of information I wanted to put to answer that question would be way too much to write on something that was only meant to give a snapshot of who you are. That’s when I decided to make this my first post.

Some of you may not even care about who writes these posts. You’re just ready to jump into the meat and potatoes of my content, and that’s okay. This post is obviously not for you. Just skip this post and go straight to the next one and enjoy. I’m just glad that you are here period and show enough interest to even care about what I think of this world we live in. If you do change your mind later, though, and want to learn a little about me, just come on back here. It will always be here waiting for those who are interested. Anyways, before I begin to ramble on (which it looks like I did already), lets get into the reason most of you are here for. It begins with one simple question. Who am I?

First of all, I would like to mention that who I am now is different from who I used to be. My life used to be such a dark place to live, one that I refuse to go back to. There was so much negativity, depression, and hatred in my life that I couldn’t see the great things around me. One day, I may go deeper into those parts of my past in future post, but for now, I declare no more. It's a new chapter in my life. I only want positive things and people in my life. I want to explore the full possibilities of what my life could be. I plan to put my full energies into the creative side of me. I want to see what I am truly capable of because that is what my new mission in life is. I want to reach my fullest potential. I think I am capable of so much more, and it's time to see just how much more I am.

Now, let’s get back to the question of who I am. That's such a deep question, deeper than it would lead you to believe. So who am I? Well, it depends on what angle you see me from because I am many things. There are so many parts that make up who I am that it's hard to choose where to start, but I'm going to try my best. Some people already know certain aspects, but I don't think anyone knows them all. As a result, some parts of me may surprise those who know me, but that's the idea. Part of my new perspective, my new chapter if you will, is to let people know who I really am. It's important if you are to understand me, and besides, it's about time I let people in.

First and foremost, I am a writer, a sci-fi writer to be more precise. Nothing makes me happy like spinning a tale from the deeper regions of my imagination. I get such a high from sitting in front of a computer pounding away at the keys about my latest adventures into another world. In some ways, you can consider it therapeutic. In other ways, you can say it's a form of escape. Regardless, it's what makes me happy, and it's what I want to do as a career.

I'm currently working on making a page of my works that I've been writing under the pen name William J. Krimson. The page is on Blogger, and it’s called Krimson Kreations. It will contain work samples as well as the latest news on my road to become a published author. Hopefully, you all will come visit this page and like it, maybe even spread the word about it.

I've recently been trying to expand my creative energies to other areas besides writing. Consider it a subsection of the part of me that is a writer. I consider myself a creative entrepreneur. I've been dabbling with blogs (like this one) and creating videos on YouTube. These ventures are just the tip of the iceberg, though. I want to fully explore my creative side. I don't know where else this path will lead me, so this should be an interesting and educational journey of my mind.

I am a great friend. I care deeply for those who I am close to. I will do anything for them even if that means taking a bullet. They're like family to me. I'm a great listener and try not to judge what they do. I try, though, not to give much in the way of advice. I have found that very dangerous territory in the past. Plus, I definitely don't consider myself qualified to give anyone advice anymore. First, I have to fix my life which is a work in progress. I am also loyal to my friends to a fault. I have been known in the past to give people who definitely didn't deserve it countless chances despite what they had done in the past. It has caused me some serious emotional scars as a result, but I try not to give up on people so easily no matter the cost. Let’s hope this isn’t a mistake.

There's one I am loyal to well above and beyond. She was a very important part of what motivated me to start a new chapter in my life. She's my girlfriend (hopefully one day my wife). She changed my outlook on a lot of things. She opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life including on how certain family members were poisoning my life. She made me see all the possibilities in life and made me see things from a different perspective (sometimes whether I wanted to or not). I can never thank her enough for what she has done for me. I know, though, that I love her with all of my heart. I only hope one day that she will marry me.

I like to consider myself a philosopher. I have a constant hunger for knowledge and love to research the truths and principles of being, knowledge, and content. As a result, I try to keep an open mind about everything. I think that is particularly important in this day and age with the level of diversity we live with in the modern age. Too many people these days are way too closed-minded to fully appreciate the complex world we live in now. Being open to new ideas and new philosophies is the key to our step into the future. It takes us one more step away from being the primitives and savages we used to be in our past. It's the key to enlightenment.

Speaking of enlightenment, I will state that I do believe in God, though. I just refuse to be labeled under any one religion. I guess in a way that makes me more of a spiritual person than a religious one. I believe that there is too much hypocrisy in today's religions. Too many people try to impress on to you on what their own personal interpretations are of the Bible, Koran, or whatever version of religious writings there are out there. They try to make you believe that their interpretation is the only true meaning. That's the thing about writing, though. It's meant to be interpreted differently by each individual person who reads it so they can personalize the experience and make it their own. That's why I don't believe that one book can dictate how we should live our lives, especially one written by man who we know are corrupt and imperfect. The only way one book can have so much power is if God himself physically wrote the pages and then stood before us to teach His word so we could learn his true intentions. I do believe though that those teachings are already out there. They lie within each and every one of us. It is the underlining morality within each and every one of us. It dictates what is truly good and evil and what is right and wrong. It's not exclusively within humans either. It's within all of God's creations. Every living thing on this planet lives under this code of ethics if you will. Some of us just have different rules to follow.

I also consider myself anti-government. Now, that doesn't mean I believe that society should have no government. I don't think we could survive without some form of leadership. I just think that the government we live under today has failed us. Our constitution was never meant for a modern age world. It, as well as the seats of power in Washington, have become archaic, outdated. It is time for a major overhaul on how our government operates which might mean a start from scratch strategy. What's worse is that I think our elected officials know it's time for a change and are not ready to give up the power they now hold. I think that is why some of our constitutional rights listed in the Bill of Rights are no longer guaranteed to us like they used to be. The powers that be are afraid of what we might become as a society, so they have decided to use a means of control over the populace by limiting what was once our God given rights of freedom. The day will come one day unfortunately because no one can stop change. It is as inevitable as the change of the times.

On a lighter side, I am a major enthusiast of works of sci-fi and fantasy. I think those are truly the heart and soul of creative writing. They explore things and ideas that in the real world we are afraid to explore. It's the biggest freedom of expression we have, at least in my opinion. That's why I enjoy works like "The Lord of the Rings", "Star Trek", "War of the Worlds", "Harry Potter", and "Star Wars" just to name a few. What some people don't realize is that there is usually some kind of underlining issue in these works that we don't like to admit about society. That's why, in some way, I consider these works some what educational. It gives us a deep insight of who we are and what we can become. For those out there who are not big fans of sci-fi and fantasy, I suggest giving these works a chance. It's just a suggestion, though. The choice is yours, but I really think it will open your eyes to such a bigger world than you ever realized existed.

I am also a collector. I love collecting swords, Transformers, Marvel characters, novels, and movies. There's a certain joy about getting a new item to my collection that I can't just explain. I guess you can say it's the inner nerd inside of me. I've never been into sports, hunting, cars, home improvement projects, or going out with the guys and having a beer at the local bar. I guess that makes me weird, and I am proud of that fact. I don't want to ever be normal. Normal is boring. I like being one of a kind, hence the nicknames the Weird 1 and the ODT (I’ll explain this one later). It is a part of what defines who I am. It's just something people will have to deal with.

Which brings me to another aspect of me. I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder or as it is called, OCD. I can't help it that I like things a certain way in my life. I no longer apologize for that. It's who I am. I know that it drives some people I know crazy how I like certain things, but it's something they will have to accept about me or move on. One new philosophy I have adopted recently is that I will no longer apologize for who I am. People will have to learn to deal with it or find someone else to associate with. There are no exceptions.

I love playing video games. I have since the days of the old Atari all the way up to the Xbox 360. It's my guilty pleasure so to speak. It's my escape and helps me release my frustrations of life. To those who say it's a childish activity, you don't realize the therapeutic nature of playing in an imaginary world. It lets you be what you can't be in the real world without consequence. It doesn't take over my life, though, like it did when I was younger, but I still play on occasion. It allows me to be a kid again for at least a little while which I think is healthy for everyone.

I am definitely a nature enthusiast. I love hiking out in the middle of the wilderness with no civilization for miles around. That is my place of serenity, a place for peace and solitude. There's just something calming about being one with nature that I first learned when I was four years old when I got lost in the woods. Ever since then, the woods have been my second home. Sadly, I haven't been able to hike in recent years and have been working to change that. I want to get back to nature and enjoy the beauties that Mother Nature can offer. I miss it terribly.

I believe I am a hard worker. I have a philosophy of you do what you have to do. I live firmly behind that. I believe some things in life you have to earn through hard work. It was something that was taught to me by my dad, and I think it holds true even today. Unfortunately, we're also in a society that believes the world always owes them something. A majority of the world have become spoiled by today's society and no longer no what it means to do a hard day's work. The idea that you have to earn what you get is no longer taught. It has become a foreign concept. Convenience has become the new truth. It's all about what makes it convenient to society. I think this is a huge mistake and will one day bite us all in the ass. It's all a part of our survival instincts that we are losing that may determine someday whether or not we continue on as a species. I only hope that is not the case, and one day, we will realize that some of the teachings of our parents and their parents are important lessons that we will need to move forward.

Well, that's all of who I am. Okay, maybe that is not all of me. I guess I should discuss that aspect of me that some people think i have. Sometimes, I have been called an asshole or a prick. They say that I can be an isolationist and a loner. I'll admit that I can be. I have to be honest. It's all a part of my darker side. It's a side I'm not terribly proud of, but it is still a part of me none the less. It's also a part of me I try to keep suppressed. I once tried to purge myself of that part of me, but I have come to realize that it is just as much a part of me as the rest is. But that doesn't mean I embrace it. I fear it. I'm afraid of what I am truly capable of if I let that side take over. You see, like I said earlier, it's a part of that underlining morality inside all of us that allows the potential for both good and evil. We all have that dark side in us, and most of us fear it. Some would say that the darkness was the devil inside of us, but I disagree. I believe it is a big part of who we are. It reminds us of what we used to be like as a species and warns us of what we could still become. It reminds us of why we should strive to be better than what we are. It lets us know what the right thing to do is. You can call it a conscious, God, karma, or whatever, but it is most definitely a huge part of who we are. It is why I don't believe evil will ever truly be purged from the world. Without it, we would be incomplete as a person.

Anyways, that's me in a nutshell (insert scene from “Austin Powers”). I'm just a person on the road of recovery trying to live a better life with better people. Hopefully, I and the people I really care about (you know who you are) can find that peace and happiness we all strive for. If you're just getting to know me, I hope this gives you a little insight and doesn't scare you away. For those who have known me for a while, I want to thank you for always being there for me. I hope you always will be. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Well, thank you for taking the time to read this, and have a great day.